Free-Ass. Press Podcast

Study: 70% of American Dental Association Employees Have F***ed Up Teeth

According to a new study by the Center for Popular Hypocrisy, 70 percent of American Dental Association workers have "f***ed-up teeth."
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$3 Billion in Folger’s Stock Secretly Replaced With Smucker’s Stock

The hostile takeover was a surprise to Folgers executives, who only found out about the sale after an English gentleman told them that he had secretly replaced the fine Procter & Gamble stock they usually hold with J.M. Smucker's stock.
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Big Bird Arrested for DUI

Big Bird, the well-known actor and bird, was arrested for driving under the influence this morning at the corner of Sesame Street and Steampipe Alley, just blocks from The Electric Company.
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US Treasury To Offer Federal Reserve Rewards Mastercard

The federal government has begun mass-mailing preapproved offers for its new Federal Reserve Rewards MasterCard.
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INDY 500 Drivers Upset; Gas Prices Rose 3 Times During Race

The 33 drivers participating in last Sunday's Indianapolis 500 were distracted by sky-high gas prices, which rose three times during the race, causing several crashes.
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Dollar Store Requests $1 Bailout

Dollar Stores, International asked Congress today for 1/700,000,000,000th of the federal bailout funds.
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Homeland Security Deports Rock Band "Foreigner"

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security begins formal deportation proceedings against the 1970s rock band Foreigner.
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God Blames Pat Robertson for String of Violent Storms

After the upper Midwest and Plains states received a lashing of violent storms, God blames Pat Robertson.
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Six Flags to Open "F***ing Awesome America" Theme Park in Middle East

Theme Park Conglomerate Six Flags, is set to open the Middle East's first theme park titled "Six Flags F***ing Awesome American Invading Dubai."
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US Makes Final Offer For Iran Talks: 700 Anytime Minutes

In a renewed effort to get stalled talks moving forward again with Iran, the United States is offering Iran its best and final plan: 700 anytime minutes.
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